


And I Couldn't Get Out from Under

by AwakeAndAliveSpartan



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Post-Hive, Trauma, Ward is Hellfire, Ward's living with regret for something he couldn't help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 11:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6608716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwakeAndAliveSpartan/pseuds/AwakeAndAliveSpartan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a week since Hive, a week since he's been saved. But Ward blames himself for everything that Hive did, even the taking of Daisy Johnson and the fact that he couldn't save her. And she finds himself trying to drown himself in alcohol exactly seven days since the rescue, and now it's her turn once more to save him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Couldn't Get Out from Under

The base was eerily quiet as Daisy pushed the door to the kitchen open, finding the area dark and smelling strongly of alcohol. She paused seeing a dark figure hunched over the bar, oddly still. Taking a breath, she flipped on the light to reveal Grant Ward’s massive form, his gray t-shirt burned in a few places. That held all the answers to whatever questions she had. He had had a bad episode, one where his newfound powers had gotten the best of him.

His rescue from Hive, and ultimately her rescue from Hive, had left him torn down and broken. And they didn’t understand it, but Hive’s death had somehow changed his body, giving him Inhuman powers. Daisy found it ironic that he had an ability over fire, almost funny. But this honestly wasn’t a thing to joke about when said powers were what was tearing Ward apart aside from the grief.

Oh, where to start with the grief?

Daisy slowly approached Ward, careful not to disturb him, “Figured you would be in here. You and alcohol seem to be the best of friends.”

Ward’s figure tensed up and he lifted up his head. He sent a quick glance her way that told her everything. The empty bottle of whiskey and the half-full one on the counter and his red-rimmed eyes told her that things were horrible. He was, once again, trying to drink all his problems away. He refused to look at her anymore, the blame of what happened to her weighing heavily on his wearied shoulders. 

“You know, you can’t drink this much alcohol, Ward.” Daisy said softly, standing behind him. “That’s only going to kill you.”

“Maybe that’s what I want.” he rasped, keeping his eyes locked firmly on the bottle in his hand. “It’s not like anyone here wants me anyways.” He took a long drag of the alcohol, “I’m better off dead, especially after what happened.” His words slightly slurred and Daisy could tell that he was drunk. “You should’ve left me behind and should’ve let me die, Skye.”

Daisy didn’t bother to correct him on her name, he at least deserved to call her that. She took a sharp breath, “Ward, you’re drunk.” she stated softly. “Trying to drink your problems away is only going to make things worse. And besides, you don’t need to be getting drunk because,”

“Because I’m unstable, I know.” Ward cut her off, the words like a curse on his lips. “One slip-up and everything’s in flames. I know. I didn’t ask for any of this. I just want to be dead!”

“W-Grant, please. You don’t deserve this line of thought. You’re not at fault for anything that Hive did.” she began to explain, keeping her tone low and calm. It would only take one, little thing to set Ward off right now, and that did not need to happen. “You’re not,”

Ward threw the empty bottle across the room, the glass shattering as it hit the wall. Daisy stepped backwards, surprised at Ward’s sudden demeanor. “Don’t you think I try to convince myself that?” he growled lowly. “But everything in me is telling me that it’s my fault!” He looked briefly at her and she could see dried tears underneath his eyes. He shook his head and quickly ran his hands through his hair, “Look, I tried to save you, Skye.” his voice was low and pained, filled with utter grief.

“But I couldn’t. I was physically unable to. There was nothing that I could do to even try to get to you. Hive had me trapped inside of my own head, and I could see everything that he did. I was forced to sit back and watch as he paraded you around like some kind of damned trophy. Like he owned you, like you were his queen. There was nothing I wanted more than to save you, but I couldn’t even save myself.”

His voice was self-deprecating. Ward hated himself with every fiber of his body just because he couldn’t stop what was going on, he couldn’t stop forces beyond his control. He ran his hands down his face, “There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t stop the deaths, the possessions, the army. I was forced to watch it all unfold. I tried to stop him when he found you, but I couldn’t make contact. It was like I was disconnected from my own body. I was just  _ there _ . I couldn’t do anything. All that he did is on my hands. 

And he turned me into some kind of freak. I can’t live with powers like this. I can’t go around having fires pop up around me every little damn time I get upset.” he continued, weariness seeping into his voice. “It’s only been a week and I already want to give up.” Picking up the bottle again, he took another long swig. “So what if alcohol’s my friend? At least it numbs the fucking pain.”

And for the first time in what seemed like years, Daisy’s heart hurt for Grant Ward. Hive had all but destroyed him, leaving him broken and traumatized. He blamed himself for things that he could not physically help. If anything, it was Coulson’s fault. But Daisy did have to give it to Coulson, at least he had accepted her back after Hive’s control. And most of all, he had accepted Ward back. Mainly because Ward was a unstable newborn Inhuman with highly-destructive powers. Coulson’s only condition had been that Daisy was the one in charge of him. She found it almost funny that now he was her rookie. It was funny how life worked in the end. 

“Grant, that thing was controlling you, you’re not responsible for what it did. You couldn’t help what happened.” Daisy placed a hand on Ward’s shoulder, pausing as she felt him tense up. There was a part of his trauma that left him despising any kind of touch. “Sorry.” she muttered, letting her hand drop from his shoulder. 

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” he said, almost a whisper. He dropped his head, placing the bottle aside and holding his head in his hands, “I can’t live like this, Skye. I just can’t. I’m a fucking time bomb waiting to go off at any minute. One wrong step and I blow, taking out everyone around me. I should’ve died a long time ago Skye, when you shot me. Then none of this shit would’ve happened and you all would be in a better place. I’m a walking disaster.”

Ward’s words faded off and he became silent, so silent that Daisy was afraid he was shutting down once again. In the past week, he had developed a tendency to ‘shut down’, well, disassociate whenever things got too much for him to handle. And that had been every single day. He would become unresponsive and shut off. Something his therapist, yes they had gotten him a therapist, said was a bad thing for him to do and was something that had to be intercepted.

Daisy placed her hand on his shoulder again, “Grant, look, you’ve got to stay with me, okay?” she asked softly, showing no harm. And why would she hurt him again? Now, there was no reason to dislike Grant Ward, but now everyone was afraid of him because of what he was. Again, something else that he could not help. “Just listen to my voice.”

His head picked up and slowly turned to look at her. Tears streamed down his face and a growing glaze was forming on his eyes, which also had a bit of fire dancing in them. Yep, one wrong move and he would blow. But Daisy had a feeling that Ward couldn’t hurt her, even if he tried. But why would he try? It was completely obvious that he was trying at all costs to protect her now, especially after what Hive did to her. 

He remained silent though, refusing to talk. The pain was just too much. Both the emotional and physical. The grief and the regret tore at his mind and the fire underneath his skin burned everything inside of him as it fought to get out. It would be a long time before he had any kind of decent control. 

“Look, Grant, Hive is not your fault. No one could’ve stopped what he did. You’re not at fault for what he did to me and you’re not at fault for the people that he killed.” 

For someone that had killed a lot of people in his life, Ward was extremely distraught over the deaths at Hive’s hands. All his targets had been strictly just that, targets. Either Hydra or SHIELD. Not innocents like Hive like to get at. Ward didn’t want innocent blood on his hands, but because of Hive he did. And because of Hive, Daisy could’ve been killed as she was paraded around like his ‘queen’ and second-in-command. Ward took all of the blame and ate it right up, he felt responsible for it all. Even though he was far from it.

Daisy sighed and took the barstool next to him, dragging it over and sitting extremely close to him, “It’s not your fault. And that’s in the past. Look, none of us got hurt. We’re all fine. It’s not your fault, Grant. You’ve got to believe that. And I don’t blame you, and I was one of Hive’s damned lackeys for a while. I know that that wasn’t you.”

Ward blinked and stared at her, “You don’t blame me?” he croaked. To him, Daisy not blaming him for Hive meant the world to him. 

Daisy scoffed, “Of course you didn’t.” she said, taking his hand gently. Ward froze up at the contact, but soon loosened up as he realized that she wasn’t going to hurt him. “That wasn’t you, you’re not capable of crap of a magnitude like that. You were a complete asshole, but you weren’t evil like that.”

“Were? Then what am I now?”

She bit her lip, honestly not knowing the answer to that question. “I… I honestly don't know, Grant. I don’t. It’s too soon to decide that. It’s only been a week. But it’s up to you to decide who you really are. You’ve been given a second chance, Grant Ward. Now you’ve got to take that and stop trying to drown yourself in alcohol before you get even drunker than you are now.” She stood to her feet, looking down at him, “I was willing to take you under my wing because I realized that you are not the same person you were. Whoever you are now is far from the Grant Ward that was. You’ve been given a gift, and you’ve got to take it for granted.”

Ward wanted to bite back, tell her that these flames weren’t a gift, but it wasn’t worth it. He didn’t want to do that to her, especially after what happened to her. The thing that he couldn’t save her from. He tensed up as she reached out a hand to him to help him up, but he gingerly accepted it and stood to his feet, towering over her. 

“You’re not the bad guy anymore. It’s up to you to prove that you have what it takes to be a hero.” She smiled slightly, “Then maybe you’ll have the chance to save me one of these days. But what you’re doing now is going to get you nowhere. Throw away the alcohol, stop blaming yourself, and work those powers. You’ll get over this, but not like this.”

He remained still and silent, taking in her words. Was she right, could he actually get through this and actually get to a point where he was  _ better _ ? Could he actually become something akin to a hero? Could he become  _ more _ ?

Daisy froze as she suddenly found Ward’s massive arms wrapped around her tiny frame, his head buried in her hair and his back heaving with silent sobs. She stifled a small smile and ran her hand up and down his back to calm him. He was such a far cry from what he once was that it was almost unbelievable. He was broken, but now an overall sweet man. She didn’t want to let this guy go. Considering that her relationship with Lincoln had broken after her ‘betrayal’. But Ward treated her with so much more respect than Lincoln ever did. He just wanted the best for her.

“It’s okay.” she whispered softly. “It’s okay to cry.”

“I just wanted to save you, but I couldn’t.” he breathed between sobs. “I couldn’t.”

“I know.”

She allowed him to cry his heart out, still in his embrace. It was best to let this run its course. After a few minutes, he stood up straight at looked down at her, face and eyes red from crying, “Thank you, Skye.”

“Look, this isn’t a problem, Grant. There’s no need to thank me because this is the right thing to do.” Daisy replied. She took another look at the bottle of whiskey on the counter and the broken one across the room, “Let’s get you out here and somewhere better. Away from the alcohol. We’ll work with your powers some more if you want. We need to take your mind off of all the bad stuff, okay?”

Ward nodded numbly, “I guess.”

She smiled back at him and took his hand, beginning to drag him out of the kitchen and away from the demons in his mind. “Don’t worry, everything will be okay.”

And in that moment, Ward actually had a sliver of hope for himself. Hope that everything would get better and to a place he had never dreamed of. A place with Daisy, or Skye, that kept him safe from the monsters inside of his head. The monsters that were trying to destroy him. But he held onto that hope, it burning like the fire that ran in his veins. He smiled for the first time in what seemed like years.

“I hope it will be.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a one-shot I thought of after last night's episode and thought we could use a little something, no matter how angsty it is. I hope you enjoyed! Leave kudos or a comment! And follow me on Tumblr @ gears-of-ward!


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